I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
