Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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