He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize