He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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