a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
