Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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