we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize