also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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