I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My friends, they love my intelligence
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
