I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
