Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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