i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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