last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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