Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
