Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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