I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
