We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
