I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
