I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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