I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
