therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
