Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
