MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
