2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
