so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
