i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
