you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
