At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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