he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize