Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
porn star boner night. come get it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
