And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
worst night to have a conscience
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
