From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
soo... how was my night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
