I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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