help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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