i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize