We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
tell me about the fingering
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