How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
