C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
honey bunches of taint.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
