Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this just has baby written all over it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
