we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize