Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize