I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
soo... how was my night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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