sarcasm needs its own font
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
