Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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