This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
