I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
