Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i dont even know how to be here
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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