from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
