You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
A bitchslap is in order.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
