My balls are so social today.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
