She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
