he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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