I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
