There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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