We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
