I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
