I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
