glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He did a backflip because drugs
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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