6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
