Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
