I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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