I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
