It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
