I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
