It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
