Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
