Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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