If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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