just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
