His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
