with your own penis?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
