I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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