im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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