I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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