Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
