At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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