i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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