Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
