Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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