I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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