I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
