Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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