Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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