Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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