Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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