can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ttyl tear gas
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
