the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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