It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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