Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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