I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
