I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
