i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
