I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
