mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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