If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I need a burrito and a hug.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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