I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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