pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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