He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
