bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
