It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
