Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
